I'm not the kind of person who likes to perform. throughout my entire life, I've found a million excuses to not give presentations or skip a major test on the day it's given. I'll take a grade cut or miss out on a team bonding session just so that I don't feel pressure. I can't even say that I am super shy or have paralyzing stage fright. at least, not anymore - I was one heck of an awkward child who couldn't handle standing at the front of a classroom to save my life. I've taken public speaking classes and done concerts as a part of a very small group of singers, and I'll do it and be fine but I just don't like it. I hate the drawn-out anxiety that comes with the culmination of all that you've learned and in all honesty, I'd rather not do it.
so last week, after 5 months of beginner ballet classes at the Flynn, I had my first ever ballet recital and I am rather happy that I didn't do my regular thing and ditch the performance. I had an out, too; all I had to say was that I couldn't make the showcase. alas, I didn't, and I made it through all 3 minutes and 11 seconds of the Hungarian dance from Swan Lake.
sure, I messed up plenty. I had never quite mastered my assemble and my legs just would not straighten in my arabesque, but I honestly didn't care. I'd practiced a bit, not too much, and I had definitely come a long way in the last few months I'd spent breaking in my soft pink leather ballet shoes.
will I take the class again? probably, but it will definitely be the level 1 class again. I learned a lot but not enough to move up a level. and I know that my inner five year old came out a bit in my all black ensemble with my hair high in a tight bun. just because I'm not going to ever go en point doesn't mean I can't practice my spins at night while I wait for my dinner to heat up.